It all began when my daughter was born prematurely. We had had such a harrowing ordeal that we were too exhausted and full of drugs to nurse. My husband held my daughter's head to my breast, but we both just fell asleep. The nurses threatened to give her formula if her blood sugar didn't go up (which they determined was low by repeatedly pricking her heel to take blood). I said, "No, no formula." I had read that it was full of stuff made in labs barely resembling food, and that a baby given a bottle before establishing healthy nursing can have trouble with latching.
But when I was sleeping, they gave her formula without telling me. Her premature stomach suddenly full of formula (as opposed to a little colostrum) stimulated her immature vagus nerve and caused her breathing to stop.
Fast forward a week later when we returned home. Sydney was obviously in pain after eating and when going to the bathroom. The pediatrician chocked it up to her premature system. The lactation consultant said, "There is nothing you can eat that can upset your baby." Are you kidding me? As an amateur nutritionist, I thought this seemed impossible, but she was the specialist and, as a new mother, I was insecure about trusting my knowledge with this tiny person's life. I continued to eat whatever and my daughter continued to be uncomfortable and, at times, miserable.
By six weeks, she had an umbilical hernia. The pediatrician said that it wasn't uncommon in premature infants and would get smaller on it's own eventually. All her crying, discomfort, and misery was simply "colic." He did not recommend my changing anything in my diet (her nursing one).
By eight weeks, the hernia was at least the size of a tennis ball on my tiny baby. I called the lactation consultant and she said, "Well, sometimes...rarely...an infant can be allergic to the milk products the mother eats. You have to get rid of every source of dairy, even the whey in a saltine cracker." Me: "WHAT?! You didn't think to tell me this when I called a month ago? My daughter could have lived in peace for the last MONTH?!" Her: "Well, when we tell new nursing mothers they have to change their diet, they often give up on nursing. It is rare a baby has a milk allergy and it is more important to keep nursing." Me: "You couldn't have given me the benefit of the doubt? Can't I be trusted to make the best decision for the health of me and my own child?" Her: "If you quit all dairy, in three days it will be obvious if there was a milk problem."
Holy crap. Obviously, I didn't know squat about Nonviolent Communication at the time, but I was a livid mama bear. In just three days, I was the mother of a different child. Happy, peaceful, no "colic," Sydney's hernia began to shrink almost immediately.
After a couple of months, I got desperate for Mellow Mushroom and indulged. BAM. Syd was a mess. If I had a SALTINE CRACKER she was miserable. Distended belly, constipation, screaming and crying in pain, especially before a bowel movement. No dairy, my baby was a complete angel, thriving as nature intended. A trace of dairy and she became, well... is "Devil Baby" too harsh a name?
The empirical evidence was obvious, dairy was a problem for my daughter. What I hadn't realized was that a good part of the reason it was a problem for her was the fact that it was also problem for me.
To be continued when I have more time...
cliff hanger......!!!
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