tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14183224791628440622024-03-05T14:23:47.256-08:00Choosing LoveSharing philosophical, emotional, and spiritual tools and insights and the stories that led me to their discovery.
Courtney Coffee Morrisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05428401189802631431noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1418322479162844062.post-59238384354181553122016-03-18T11:29:00.003-07:002016-11-29T08:22:48.492-08:00Don't Hit Yourself Over the Head With Your Gift<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
A wise counselor once said to me, "You can't love someone and worry about them at the same time."<br />
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Well, I was quite disturbed by this assertion because I had always been a worrier. And yet I ADORED the people I worried <i>about</i>. Right?<br />
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I was bred to worry. My mom was a worrier. Worry penetrated my childhood. Money worries, health worries, grade worries, worries about my parents' marriage, worries about what other people thought.<br />
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You worried the MOST about the people you <i>loved</i>!<br />
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It took me some time to understand what my counselor was trying to communicate. Love is a VERB. While I can generally love someone, my daughter for example, I am not in the act of loving her when I am worrying ABOUT her. <br />
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This is not a subtle difference, for our time and energy are precious and every thought has a vibration with a consequence. When I worry about someone, I am thinking thoughts that are negative and rooted in fear. The vibration of fear is put out to the universe. Ripple, ripple, ripple.<br />
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If, however, I observe my thoughts and, noticing I am focusing on what may or can go "wrong," decide to instead visualize things going "right," this is the ripple, ripple, ripple, containing the vibration of positivity and love. More challenging sometimes than it may seem.<br />
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You have probably heard the quote, "Worry is a misuse of the imagination," by Dan Zadra. A friend of mine says worrying is like "hitting yourself over the head with your gift."<br />
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Our thoughts have power. Our visualizations have power! Imagine what we could create if each time we had a worrisome thought, we caught ourselves and instead sent love to the object of our worry, ourselves included. I am fascinated by the miracles that result EVERY TIME I do this.<br />
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Another friend once told me, "Thoughts are prayers." <br />
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What do YOU want to pray for?<br />
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Thanks for reading. Have a beautiful weekend!<br />
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Courtney Coffee Morrisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05428401189802631431noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1418322479162844062.post-65300632122131600592016-03-04T11:10:00.001-08:002017-11-12T11:45:15.301-08:00From Blame to Claim: Stepping Into Your Power<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The Dalai Lama <a href="https://www.facebook.com/DalaiLama/posts/10151472414587616" target="_blank"><span id="goog_978531059"></span>posted on Facebook</a> that the increasing interest folks are showing in their emotions is a sign of maturity.<br />
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Have you noticed an increased interest in emotions in yourself and/or in the folks around you?<br />
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About five years ago, I came upon the "philosophy" that one's emotions are one's own responsibility. I put quotes around the word philosophy because some would stand firm in the belief that other people are the cause of their feelings. I inadvertently held this belief myself until I was gifted with the information that allowed me to see otherwise.<br />
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We have been raised in a culture of blame. It's the conservatives' fault, the liberals' fault, the Republicans' fault, Democrats' fault, the President's fault, the doctor's fault, the lawyer's fault, my mother's fault, my husband's fault, "IT IS YOUR FAULT I AM FEELING THIS WAY."<br />
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The fact is, people mess up. That is how we learn. We do our best to remain patient with our children when they make a mistake, hopefully teaching them how to make recompense and learn so they do it differently the next time. We need to show our fellow adult humans the same grace as much as we are able, knowing that the only thing WE can change is ourselves.<br />
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We can practice acting instead of reacting. We can acknowledge we are angry, sad, frustrated, etc., take a deep breath, and get to work trying to understand why without automatically blaming. We affect change by example and this takes claiming responsibility for ourselves, our part, our feelings, our thoughts, and our actions every opportunity we remember to do so. It is a practice because it takes practice.</div>
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It can be a challenge to find role models who lead and guide from a strong and secure center where blaming others has little place. Growing up in America and then traveling and living abroad, I have seen vast differences between cultures that encourage "passing the buck" and those where you have to possess personal accountability to survive. I have met people who think Americans can barely move through life without directions and must sue someone if anything goes wrong. "I got hurt. It must be someone else's fault. Now let me go find him."</div>
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Imagine a world where everybody looks inward and takes care of him or herself, claiming personal power as they step into their responsibility. I am not suggesting we live selfishly in a vacuum or blame ourselves for another's actions. I am suggesting acknowledging that everyone has a role in everything of which they are a part. If we are candid about our feelings and claim our share of what takes place, we can learn from events that transpire and choose to do it better next time, rather than unconsciously operating out of unhealthy patterns.<br />
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It can be SO HARD to claim responsibility when I am really upset and think I have been wronged. You know the saying, "Would you rather be right or be happy?" Being right is so seductive, you can ride this wave for a lifetime before realizing that the energy you get from it is at another human's expense; for to be right, someone else must be wrong.</div>
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I am amazed at how much responsibility for my state of happiness or unhappiness I have tried to put in the hands of my husband, mother, father, or any other person of the moment, before I come back to myself in the center of the whirlwind and realize only I am in charge of how I feel! Yes, people lie, cheat, steal, are inconsiderate, misleading, and judgmental. It is natural to be angry, upset, hurt, and frustrated. And I cannot change them.<br />
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I can choose to avoid them and try to hang out with folks who don't behave that way, but I have learned that people who I deem to be difficult can be just fine or downright wonderful to someone else. <b>I</b> am the one who is annoyed so it is MY lesson. Does that make sense? If something irritating keeps coming up for me, I believe it is a sign that I need to deal with something within ME. Otherwise, I may shed this person, but then attract another who brings up the same irritations until I get the lesson.<br />
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It has been said that the point of power is in the present moment. Our present circumstances, relationships, and emotions are all here to teach us and guide us toward states of greater ease if we face them. What exactly happened and what did YOU feel when it occurred? What needs or wants do you have that are not being met when this takes place or when another behaves this way? How would you prefer them to behave if they were willing? How might you be contributing to this behavior? These questions are at the foundation of Nonviolent or <a href="http://choosinglove-courtney.blogspot.com/2013/03/an-overview-of-compassionate.html" target="_blank">Compassionate Communication</a>, which is a great process for communicating effectively and claiming your power.<br />
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I try my best to take the approach of, "This is coming up so I can heal it." When I look within and learn my lesson, then the person who seems to push my buttons, almost magically...stops. Either that or I am no longer disturbed when they demonstrate that behavior. I have moved on.<br />
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Thanks for reading!<br />
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I welcome your constructive feedback. <3<br />
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Courtney Coffee Morrisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05428401189802631431noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1418322479162844062.post-25614507862742634192016-03-01T10:11:00.000-08:002016-03-02T05:57:07.366-08:00I Am Enough: Loving Yourself to FabulousI am enough.<br />
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I remember the first time this thought came through me. I hadn't ever heard or read it that I remembered, but it resonated like a bright and peaceful chord. I am enough. You are enough. WE...are enough.<br />
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All of the tools and tips I have researched, written about, studied, taught, and practiced to learn and help others learn how to be more of this or less of that have their value, yes. I would rather feel inspired than complacent any day. I am also grateful and relieved that I have grown to be gentler with myself as I strive to be a better person today than the one I was yesterday. But when I get caught up in comparisons, self-judgement, and too much striving, however, it can leave me stymied and fearful to act.<br />
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That is when I have to tell myself, "You are enough." Right now, you are good, young, loved, inspired, educated, experienced, etc. enough to go out in the world and make a positive difference. Not <i>try</i> to make a difference. To make a REAL difference <i>through</i> trying.<br />
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I feel so sad when I think about all the times I could have sang out from my heart at this or that event but didn't because I didn't think I was good enough. Will people think that <i>I</i> think I am "all that" because I am singing with everything I have got? And what if I sound badly or make a mistake? Geez, what a mindgame! One that keeps me from trying, making mistakes, and improving, just as I would advise my children to do. <br />
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Start. Try. Mess up. Learn. Grow. Improve. Give others permission to do the same.<br />
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There is the famous quote from <a href="http://hydr-20%26hvadid%3d43410235647%26hvpos%3d1t1%26hvexid%3d%26hvnetw%3dg%26hvrand%3d8448530425240146741%26hvpone%3d%26hvptwo%3d%26hvqmt%3db%26hvdev%3dc%26ref%3dpd_sl_2xx9b3pf14_b/" target="_blank">A Return to Love </a>by Marianne Williamson:<br />
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“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”<br />
― <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/17297.Marianne_Williamson">Marianne Williamson</a>, <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/1239848">A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"</a></blockquote>
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<span style="text-align: justify;">While I ADORE this quote and it may be true that we are afraid of success and power, what if we <i>don't</i> show up as brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Are we still worthy of being heard, sharing, TRYING, and doing our current best? </span></div>
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Of course! And yet, how many of us hold back for fear of judgement from self or others of not being <u>fill-in-your-word-here</u> enough?</div>
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We <i>need</i> all hands on deck. Our society and world <i>needs</i> people to give what they have got to the benefit of our planet. People need to feel safe to imperfectly share what they have to offer, to love their way through the glitches, and have support on their way to fabulous. </div>
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I am grateful I was able to get my family to attend the school's talent show the other day, even though my kids didn't perform. It was a nostalgic and humbling joy to see kids get up on stage brave, shaky, practiced, improvised, and TRYING. For those who weren't happy with their performance, my prayer is that they give themselves big props for trying, figure out what they could do differently, and find an opportunity to do it again. For my kids, I hope it empowers them to give it a go next year.</div>
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It is people giving of themselves, imperfectly OR brilliantly, that gives me the permission and the <i>responsibility </i>to do the same. To take the risk. To produce instead of just consume. To try. And to know that even though I can always work harder, practice more, develop skills, and improve, that right here, right now, what I have to offer is valuable and worth sharing.<br />
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I am enough. And so are YOU!<br />
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Thanks for reading!<br />
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Courtney Coffee Morrisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05428401189802631431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1418322479162844062.post-74127389034288995392016-02-23T08:40:00.001-08:002016-03-22T10:44:11.323-07:00Choosing Loving Communication-A Quick-Start Guide<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
You may be one of many folks on the planet who believes that peace begins with the self, extends to one's closest relationships, and ripples outward to the greater community. Being in loving relationship with oneself heals the earth!<br />
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One of the best ways to improve our relationship with ourselves and others is through conscious loving dialogue. What do you say to and about yourself when you make a mistake? How do you treat others when their actions result in uncomfortable feelings for you?<br />
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In 2011, I began studying a communication process called <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_Communication" target="_blank">Nonviolent Communication</a>, also known as NVC or Compassionate Communication. It was developed by Marshall Rosenberg in the sixties as a way to teach peacemaking skills, engender conflict resolution, and improve heartfelt connections with others.<br />
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Though there is somewhat of a formula, NVC is really a <i>process </i>of learning to have compassion and empathy for oneself and others, recognizing what each person's feelings and needs are, and in so doing realizing that it is possible for all parties to have their needs met without conflict.<br />
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Here are the basic steps in just two sentences. Initially, you work through these on your own, prior to communicating with your partner or group. With practice, it becomes easier to use in real time.<br />
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1. When _________ happens (best if you stay with a specific occurrence)</div>
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2. I feel _________ (a specific emotion is best, not just "bad" or "good") </div>
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3. because _________ (want/value/need that is not being met when this occurs).</div>
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4. In the future/Next time, would you be willing to _________?<br />
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If you are frustrated with your ability to connect with someone you care about or just want to effect positive change, give it a try! This process played a crucial role in preserving my marriage during a difficult time. I believe it is a necessary tool for every human's developmental toolbox.<br />
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Happy practicing and thanks for reading!<br />
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<span style="color: lime;">For more information...</span><br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/1892005034/?tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=74754852324&hvpos=1t1&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=2336185780040076146&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_311ppkouch_b" target="_blank">Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life</a>-Your first "go to" guide to further understand the process.<br />
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Phone app to assist you on the go- <a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/igrok/id352477754?mt=8" target="_blank">iGrok</a>-This app provides a quick list of needs and feelings that comes in handy when I am unclear what feeling and/or need is at work within me.<br />
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<a href="https://www.cnvc.org/Training/feelings-inventory" target="_blank">List of Feelings</a>-This list will help you identify your feelings.<br />
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<a href="https://www.cnvc.org/Training/needs-inventory" target="_blank">List of Needs</a>-And this one your needs. :)<br />
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Courtney Coffee Morrisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05428401189802631431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1418322479162844062.post-8160639719475760122016-02-22T07:55:00.000-08:002016-02-23T07:44:48.280-08:00A Practice-Choosing Love Over FearMy interest in consciously choosing love over fear began in 1991 when I began to study <a href="http://acim.org/AboutACIM/index.html">A Course in Miracles</a>. One of the basic concepts of this teaching is that fear is the absence of love, just as darkness is the absence of light. As it can be a shift to think of darkness as being the absence of light as opposed to its opposite, it is a similar shift to think of fear as the absence of love.<br />
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Though most people consider "hate" to be the opposite of love, the course considers hate to be just one of many manifestations of fear. Positive emotions, thoughts, actions, and behaviors stem from love and negative emotions, thoughts, actions, and behaviors stem from fear. <br />
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It is important to avoid using this philosophy to judge ourselves or others for being in a fearful place and instead use it to engender and encourage compassion. You may have come upon the quote, "Love me when I deserve it the least, for that is when I need it the most." <br />
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Though it can be a challenge to love yourself when you regret a choice you make or love another when they are seeming difficult, this is the work we all need to practice. Putting our egos aside, setting down our need to be right or prove another wrong and instead recognizing the true present need, which, simplistic though it may sound, is always...love.<br />
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Thanks for reading!<br />
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<br />Courtney Coffee Morrisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05428401189802631431noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1418322479162844062.post-46832572922166542972014-07-14T05:09:00.002-07:002014-07-14T20:13:26.624-07:00Choosing Health: Dancing With Dairy- Part IIContinued from <a href="http://choosinglove-courtney.blogspot.com/2014/02/choosing-health-dancing-with-dairy-part.html" target="_blank">Choosing Health: Dancing With Dairy-Part I</a><br />
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That first spring nursing I was braced, as I had been every spring since moving to Western North Carolina, to feel terrible. What medicine could I take that wouldn't pass through my milk or dry it up? Amazingly, after years of being a blubbering mess due to the blooming of an incredibly diverse array of local vegetation, I had NO allergic symptoms whatsoever.</div>
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Turns out, I did not have to take a thing because even when the wind blew a large cloud of yellow pollen into my face, I barely sniffled. Wow! All this time, all I had to do was cut out dairy, challenging as that was.<br />
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Unfortunately, after weaning I was so excited to be able to have cheese, ice cream, and cream in my coffee again, that I started consuming dairy here and there. Symptoms returned and spring was miserable, but man did that pizza taste good and I could always take Claritin! Ugh.</div>
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After my son was born we realized he had "colic" too. Crying for hours, throwing up, bouncing, football hold, Mylicon drops. "Put him on the washing machine. Maybe the vibration will help." Me knowing the whole time I was going to have to give up the yummies again.</div>
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I of course did and once again...BAM. Different baby. I mean, night and day. My husband and I would tease that "On Dairy" our babies were like satan babies and "Off Dairy" they were angel babies. The difference this change made in the quality of life of our entire family was astounding. This knowledge was life-changing and sanity-preserving. How many other nursing infants and moms could have these same results? Again, I was blessed with two years of allergy-free springtime living.</div>
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Witnessing such amazing benefits, my husband tried a dairy-free diet and discovered the positive impacts it had on his health and allergies as well. He wouldn't swear off of every molecule like I had to, but cutting back significantly minimized the amount he would have to use an inhaler in the autumn when his seasonal allergies would act up.<br />
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Why isn't this knowledge more wide-spread? Interestingly, when we paid $400 out-of-pocket to have Sydney's blood tested for allergies (including dairy), results showed she had NONE. We researched best allergists and went "off the mountain" to have a scratch-test performed checking for about 80 different food and environmental allergens. The results were the same with the strange exception of cockroaches, which I have never seen up here. No allergies. <br />
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There is no scientific proof of anything. The pediatrician said the blood test will only detect an allergy that would produce an anaphylactic response. He said, "Sydney could be allergic to nothing, but sensitive to everything." We decided not to put Michael through a barrage of testing if it was not sensitive enough to detect the problems we had experienced.<br />
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A chiropractor confirmed our results through a process called clinical kinesiology, but the gold standard seems to be the elimination diet. Eliminate the suspect food and if symptoms go away, you have your answer.<br />
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Imagine that. We don't need proof from outside ourselves or to pay anyone a cent. We do, however, need to realize that we truly "are what we eat" and look here first when we have problems with our health.<br />
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Thanks so much for reading and to anyone who may have been curiously awaiting the second half of this post! I am glad to answer any questions and please feel free to share stories of your own experiences. Inspire others!</div>
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Courtney Coffee Morrisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05428401189802631431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1418322479162844062.post-73856521917318972092014-02-26T10:31:00.002-08:002014-02-26T10:31:49.553-08:00Choosing Health: Dancing With Dairy-Part IIt all began when my daughter was born prematurely. We had had such a harrowing ordeal that we were too exhausted and full of drugs to nurse. My husband held my daughter's head to my breast, but we both just fell asleep. The nurses threatened to give her formula if her blood sugar didn't go up (which they determined was low by repeatedly pricking her heel to take blood). I said, "No, no formula." I had read that it was full of stuff made in labs barely resembling food, and that a baby given a bottle before establishing healthy nursing can have trouble with latching.<br />
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But when I was sleeping, they gave her formula without telling me. Her premature stomach suddenly full of formula (as opposed to a little colostrum) stimulated her immature vagus nerve and caused her breathing to stop. <br />
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Fast forward a week later when we returned home. Sydney was obviously in pain after eating and when going to the bathroom. The pediatrician chocked it up to her premature system. The lactation consultant said, "There is nothing you can eat that can upset your baby." Are you kidding me? As an amateur nutritionist, I thought this seemed impossible, but she was the specialist and, as a new mother, I was insecure about trusting my knowledge with this tiny person's life. I continued to eat whatever and my daughter continued to be uncomfortable and, at times, miserable.<br />
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By six weeks, she had an umbilical hernia. The pediatrician said that it wasn't uncommon in premature infants and would get smaller on it's own eventually. All her crying, discomfort, and misery was simply "colic." He did not recommend my changing anything in my diet (her nursing one).<br />
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By eight weeks, the hernia was at least the size of a tennis ball on my tiny baby. I called the lactation consultant and she said, "Well, sometimes...rarely...an infant can be allergic to the milk products the mother eats. You have to get rid of every source of dairy, even the whey in a saltine cracker." Me: "WHAT?! You didn't think to tell me this when I called a month ago? My daughter could have lived in peace for the last MONTH?!" Her: "Well, when we tell new nursing mothers they have to change their diet, they often give up on nursing. It is rare a baby has a milk allergy and it is more important to keep nursing." Me: "You couldn't have given me the benefit of the doubt? Can't I be trusted to make the best decision for the health of me and my own child?" Her: "If you quit all dairy, in three days it will be obvious if there was a milk problem."<br />
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Holy crap. Obviously, I didn't know squat about Nonviolent Communication at the time, but I was a livid mama bear. In just three days, I was the mother of a different child. Happy, peaceful, no "colic," Sydney's hernia began to shrink almost immediately.<br />
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After a couple of months, I got desperate for Mellow Mushroom and indulged. BAM. Syd was a mess. If I had a SALTINE CRACKER she was miserable. Distended belly, constipation, screaming and crying in pain, especially before a bowel movement. No dairy, my baby was a complete angel, thriving as nature intended. A trace of dairy and she became, well... is "Devil Baby" too harsh a name?<br />
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The empirical evidence was obvious, dairy was a problem for my daughter. What I hadn't realized was that a good part of the reason it was a problem for her was the fact that it was also problem for me. <br />
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To be continued when I have more time...<br />
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<br />Courtney Coffee Morrisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05428401189802631431noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1418322479162844062.post-42290694607280730892013-11-17T07:12:00.001-08:002017-10-02T11:19:22.661-07:00Let Peace Begin With Me<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<b id="docs-internal-guid-4e58937c-668c-4264-3094-5e06e5b76bf8" style="font-weight: normal;"></b><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<b id="docs-internal-guid-4e58937c-668c-4264-3094-5e06e5b76bf8" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">On Sunday, October 6, I was blessed with the opportunity to be the service leader at our local Unitarian Universalist church. I also delivered the service that day about Nonviolent Communication and the potential the use of this process has to create peace in oneself and the world. Whether you are a church-goer or not, Sunday is a great day to reflect on things such as this, right? I wanted to share the service with those who may be interested, but were not able to attend. It will take about 15 minutes to read. Have a beautiful day!</span></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-4e58937c-668c-4264-3094-5e06e5b76bf8" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<b id="docs-internal-guid-4e58937c-668c-4264-3094-5e06e5b76bf8" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My name is Courtney Morrison and I have been attending services here at the Boone Unitarian Universalist Fellowship for exactly one year. My husband and I recently became members and I tell you, I never thought I would say this, but I have found my religion! I had no idea that the concepts of love, equity, and respect for all paths to Truth existed in an organized fashion and had so much history, to boot. I am having so much fun discovering the richness that is Unitarian Universalism.</span></b></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></b>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-4e58937c-668c-4264-3094-5e06e5b76bf8" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am very grateful to be here today. I thoroughly enjoyed putting this service together and am honored to have the opportunity to share it with you. </span></b></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-4e58937c-668c-4264-3094-5e06e5b76bf8" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<b id="docs-internal-guid-4e58937c-668c-4264-3094-5e06e5b76bf8" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Today I will be talking to you about a deceptively simple and yet amazingly powerful process of communication that supports the development of peace, love, and compassion for yourself and, in turn, for others. </span></b></div>
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<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<b id="docs-internal-guid-4e58937c-668c-4264-3094-5e06e5b76bf8" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">First, I’d like to guide you in a meditation that will encourage the opening of our hearts and minds, and the relaxation of our bodies. If you are comfortable doing so, please close your eyes and take a deep, cleansing breath. Now, raise both of your shoulders up. Up to your ears! And, let them fall. Gently roll your head, letting your neck stretch.<br class="kix-line-break" /><br class="kix-line-break" />Now, take another cleansing breath, and as you do so, bring both of your hands to your heart and place them there. One on top of the other.</span></b></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-4e58937c-668c-4264-3094-5e06e5b76bf8" style="font-weight: normal;">
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<b id="docs-internal-guid-4e58937c-668c-4264-3094-5e06e5b76bf8" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As you continue to breathe, I want you to imagine that the light of the sun is in your heart. Warm, pure and perfect, golden-white light. See the light filling up your strong, life-giving heart and wanting to radiate outward. Let it do so. Imagine it shining through the boundaries of your heart and up through your throat and into your head. See it spreading out through either side of your heart, through your lungs, up into your shoulders, and into your arms and hands. </span></b></div>
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<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<b id="docs-internal-guid-4e58937c-668c-4264-3094-5e06e5b76bf8" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now imagine this light shining down into your torso, your pelvis, down your legs, and into your feet. Gently diffusing any obstructions it may encounter.</span></b></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<b id="docs-internal-guid-4e58937c-668c-4264-3094-5e06e5b76bf8" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" />This light is filling up your entire body and shining. Glowing. You know it wants to shine out past the perimeters of your body. Your skin suit, if you will. :) Allow it to do so.</span></b></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-4e58937c-668c-4264-3094-5e06e5b76bf8" style="font-weight: normal;">
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<b id="docs-internal-guid-4e58937c-668c-4264-3094-5e06e5b76bf8" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Remember, your heart is the source of this light and it is radiating outward, through your whole body and beyond. And now the entire sanctuary is filled. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thank you for doing that.</span></b></div>
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<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b><br />
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-4e58937c-668c-4264-3094-5e06e5b76bf8" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Pause, and allow folks to open their eyes. Smile</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When you are ready, open your eyes.)</span></b></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<b id="docs-internal-guid-4e58937c-668c-4264-3094-5e06e5b76bf8" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" />When the presentation is over, we’ll let it spill out the door and into the world. For now, we’ll just enjoy it here with us. ;)</span></b></div>
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<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b><br />
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-4e58937c-668c-4264-3094-5e06e5b76bf8" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></b></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<b id="docs-internal-guid-4e58937c-668c-4264-3094-5e06e5b76bf8" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">How many of you are familiar with the process that is called Compassionate or Nonviolent Communication? Raise your hand, if you would. Okay, Great! Perfect!</span></b></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-4e58937c-668c-4264-3094-5e06e5b76bf8" style="font-weight: normal;">
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The term Compassionate or Nonviolent Communication (which is often called CC or NVC for short) is a communication process that was developed by Marshall Rosenberg in the 1960's as a way to teach peacemaking skills, conflict resolution, and improve heartfelt connections with oneself and with other human beings. I’d like to quote from the biography at the back of his book entitled Nonviolent Communication- A Language of Life: </span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 36pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Growing up in a turbulent Detroit neighborhood, Marshall developed a keen interest in new forms of communication that would provide peaceful alternatives to the violence he encountered. His interest led to a doctorate in clinical psychology from the University of Wisconsin in 1961, where he studied under Carl Rogers. His subsequent life experience and study of comparative religion motivated him to develop the NVC process.</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">While putting this presentation together and studying the principles of Unitarian Universalism, I observed that NVC is in harmony with every principle. The one it resonates with the most directly, however, is justice, equity, and compassion in human relations</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> If there was justice, equity, and compassion in all human relations, could there ever be war? Can we change our world leaders to make them have compassion for each other? The Federal Government would still be open. ;) We all know we can only change ourselves, right?</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So the logic that follows is simple: If we truly desire world peace, then the challenge we have before us is to create peace within ourselves. If every single human takes responsibility for this role, then it follows that there would be world peace, right? For those of you who may carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, you can just set that on down now. Your only job toward contributing to peace on this planet is to create it within yourself. Easy peasey! ;)</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The title of this service is Let Peace Begin With Me. We have all probably heard this quote before. It is from the song Let There Be Peace on Earth written by Jill Jackson Miller and her husband Sy. They composed the song in 1955. It is said that she awoke one morning with the words on her lips, “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.” She got up, wrote down the lyrics, and Sy wrote the music. Since then the song and concept have gained </span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">popularity</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> all over the globe.<br class="kix-line-break" /><br class="kix-line-break" />So how do we, “Let peace begin with us?” I believe it begins with deep compassion for our inner emotional experiences. After all, isn’t it out-of-control emotions that lead us to do things we wish we hadn’t? Would you agree that the boys and young men that go into schools, movie theaters, and workplaces killing children and adult human beings are lacking compassion and empathy for their true feelings and needs? <br class="kix-line-break" /><br class="kix-line-break" />If we can learn how to have compassion for ourselves, if we can fill our cups, then they can spill over and we will have enough to share with those who have not yet learned.</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now, I’d like you to raise your hand if you have ever endured the experience of having the same argument with someone over and over again. Raise your hand if you have a family member, someone at work, school, or elsewhere in the community with whom you have had a conflict or continue to have conflicts. Thank you. Please raise your hand if you would like to feel a deeper sense of love, connection, harmony, and compassion within your relationships. Thank you.<br class="kix-line-break" /><br class="kix-line-break" />This is a tool for all of us.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Before I explain the four </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">seemingly simple</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> parts to this process, I’d like to tell you the story that led me to it’s discovery.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">While my children were very young, my husband underwent three open-heart surgeries. Two were on the same day while I was pregnant with my first child, Sydney, and the last one was the day before my second child, Michael, turned one. It was a very stressful period of time that included my mother-in-law's slow and heart-wrenching decline into the depths of Huntington's Disease, her resulting death, a personal injury that led me through four years of chronic pain, and moving to a third-world country with my young family also being among the top stressors.</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Wow, how love and instincts kicked in when I became a mom, making the ability to "put the mask on myself before helping others" seem impossible. In my efforts to care for my children the way I saw fit, I became the martyr-style mom I swore I would never be. I had inadvertently allowed myself to become so compromised that bitterness resulted. I complained, but I learned that it didn't accomplish anything productive. My words weren't getting through to my husband or really to anyone, because I wasn't expressing myself effectively.</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When the stress finally got to be more than I could handle, I found a wonderful therapist who introduced me to Compassionate Communication. This practice helped me learn how to understand and process my feelings, communicate them effectively, and help others discover what they are feeling through active listening, expressing empathy, and generally getting ego out of the equation. This has been and still is a challenging journey!</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am naturally sympathetic. My family teases me when I cry during a cheesy commercial or even a cartoon! My mom had her master's in psychology and bought us kids books about understanding our emotions, and yet still I had to admit I needed outside support. I needed </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>empathy.</i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> It’s funny how we will go to dentists, doctors, trainers, and financial advisors, but be reluctant to seek emotional support from a professional who has skills and tools that can so easily help us change our lives for the better. The disclaimer is: You have to actually USE the tools to see the results. For years I read self-help books without actually working with the skills I learned from them. This time, I was really ready to feel good. </span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have been practicing Compassionate Communication for nearly three years now. My life and the quality of the relationships in my home have improved tremendously. Everyone is communicating better, empathizing with themselves and others more, and generally growing in emotional health and intelligence. Somedays, I forget. Other times, I only use part of the process. Every single time there is a conflict, however, and I bring in any of the components, it helps us make connections and diffuse misunderstandings. It is a practice, because it takes practice. When we are tired, hungry, or otherwise compromised and begin to operate out of unhealthy patterns, I remember we have this tool, and like a roadmap it helps us get back on track.</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I will always remember the first time, since we had begun practicing these skills, that my husband expressed how he was feeling without my trying to pull it out of him. Instead of feeling angry AT him, I quite suddenly felt a connection WITH him. He was speaking a common language and we were on the same team, just trying to make sense of it all. It has been rewarding and challenging work, made easier by the guidance of this heartfelt practice.</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So now, what IS this practice and how does one use it?! Though there is a four-step formula, NVC really is a </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">process. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A process</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">of learning to have deep compassion and empathy for the feelings and needs of oneself and others, and in so doing recognizing that it is possible for both parties to have those needs met without conflict. This is why it can have such profound implications in the work of peacemaking. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Both parties can have their needs met without conflict.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> There are a million ways to do most anything. Trusting that that place of agreement exists somewhere, helps us to be more resourceful in finding it, together.</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The four components of Nonviolent communication are: observations, feelings, needs, and requests. You all have a copy of a working example of how one may use the four components when communicating with another person. Please look at the worksheet and assume someone has done something that resulted in your discomfort. You would first take your time to work through the process, mentally or physically filling in the blanks. If you choose to approach the person, you could say something like this:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“When </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">this</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> particular thing happens, I feel </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">this way,</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> because </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">this </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">need is not being met. Would you mind doing it </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">this</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">way?</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sounds simple, doesn’t it?</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If, for example, your child interrupts you and you're frustrated, it may sound something like this:</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"When you interrupt me, I feel frustrated because I lose track of important thoughts I want to get across. Next time I'm talking and you want something from me, would you please wait until I come to the end of a sentence and say, 'Excuse me,'?"</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Of course, you adapt for different scenarios, people, and ages. When your child interrupts while you are having a quick talk with someone you might just say, "Please say, 'Excuse me, Honey.’" He or she does and you quickly answer. Then after your conversation, you could go over to your child and use the tool. For a younger child, you may have a different request like, “Would you please just touch my arm and wait and I’ll give you attention as soon as I can?”</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When trying this at first, it can feel awkward, especially with other adults. I found it to be easiest with my son who was four at the time. Still so non-judgemental and forgiving. Finding a friend who is also practicing, connecting with a local or online forum to discuss your experiences, and buying or borrowing the book Nonviolent Communication are all great ways to support yourself as you refine your skills.</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If you do decide to begin practicing this technique, so many gifts will emerge. They won't always feel like gifts as they reveal the truth that other people aren't responsible for how you feel. This can be an illusion-shattering experience for some. Sure, there are things people do that can pretty reliably evoke certain responses from others. Who else but you, however, can really choose how </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">you</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> feel about something? Marshall Rosenberg’s premise is that our feelings are derived from our needs, not from other peoples’ behavior.</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When I find myself upset after observing something and I take the time to work the tool in my head, oftentimes I am not even bothered anymore. This is one of the gifts. It can be incredibly empowering to simply figure out what you are feeling and why. The process itself is an exercise in self-compassion and empathy. It also facilitates a "cooling-off" period where you become an observer to your emotions. When you "observe" your feelings instead of judging or getting lost in them, you realize that </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">you</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> are not your feelings. They don't have to stay in your body like blood, but you can watch and assist them in moving through and out of you. </span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So let’s get back to the steps. I’d like to look at them once more and expound on them a bit.</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The first step, step one, is the part of the process where you are determining exactly what occurred that resulted in your discomfort. This is a huge part in understanding yourself, because sometimes you feel your buttons being pushed, but you don't know exactly what pushed them, right?</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It is crucial in conflict resolution because you are coming to the other party with a specific incident and not a generalized complaint. We want to avoid saying things like, "When you are being such a jerk, it really pisses me off.” The person won't know exactly which behavior you thought was jerky and he or she won't hear you anyway, because name-calling closes ears. </span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Step two is feelings. Figuring out just what emotion you're feeling can be challenging because sometimes you don't know what you are feeling either. You just know you feel "bad." In the book </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Marshall-Rosenberg/dp/1892005034" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Nonviolent Communication</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, there is an extensive list of emotions that is helpful when you are struggling to find a specific one. The Center for Nonviolent Communication has a website with the same list. Or you can just Google "list of emotions” and print it out for reference.</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The reason it is important to know which </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">particular</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> emotion you are feeling is because it increases the likelihood of being truly understood and generating compassion in the other person. Since all of us have felt angry, sad, hurt, frustrated, etc., this a place where we can connect as human beings and not adversaries. When you express how you truly feel, your partner can recognize your humanity. This is especially true when you are CLAIMING your feelings instead of BLAMING another for them. If someone says to you, "You're SO annoying!" it feels totally different than, "When you do that, I feel annoyed. You don't have to stop, but if you did, I'd feel so much better!"</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So first, you determine exactly what thing it was that spurred your discomfort. Second, you identify the feeling you are experiencing as a result. And the third step, needs, is where you identify what need you have that isn't being met when this behavior occurs. This also helps engender compassion, because we humans share the same needs just as we share the same feelings. Needs such as physical nurturance, play, autonomy, spiritual communion, and interdependence. Google Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs or refer to the Center for Nonviolent Communication on the internet for Marshall Rosenberg’s List of Needs Inventory.</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As a little aside, my husband tends to bristle when someone says they need anything that is nonessential to life. Maslow's Hierarchy notwithstanding, he believes once basic needs are met, anything else is a desire, want, or preference. So this part of the tool was not generating compassion in him. He preferred I use the word want, desire, or preference instead of need. I, on the other hand, felt selfish saying, "I want this," or "I want that." After arguing semantics, I decided to try it his way. I discovered he had no problem honoring a "want" as opposed to a "need." So this is how we work this step now.</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My point in sharing this is to emphasize that Compassionate Communication is a </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">process </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">that takes patience, discipline, and flexibility. You may find yourself adapting the steps to suit your individual needs or the needs of a group or person with whom you are working. You will know it is an effective change if walls come down and people genuinely listen to each other instead of becoming defensive.</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The fourth and final step in this process involves making a request. How many of us have ever wished a person could read our minds and behave the way we wanted, without us having to say anything? “Well, he should know that I want a hug when I am crying!” We are much more likely to get what we want, if someone knows we want it. And if we don’t know what it is we want, how can someone else? </span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When I first began practicing NVC, this step was tricky for me because I thought of it as my opportunity to make someone behave the </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">right</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> way. My "requests" came out as demands at times. With practice, I have gotten better at putting aside my ego and seeing that I don't have a monopoly on knowing the best ways to behave. </span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We all know we can't really change people. Using this tool, however, you </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">are</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> more likely to inspire compassion in them. This increases the likelihood that they will </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">want</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> to make this change because they love you and they want you to feel good. They may even decide they would prefer to behave the way you are suggesting for their own well-being.</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Trying to manipulate someone or putting them down for their behavior won’t create authentic change. Adults and children alike have to want to change because it will improve their lives, not because they have been coerced, threatened, or guilted into it. Change that comes from that kind of foundation doesn’t last or feel genuinely good to anyone. Does it?</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">These are high-tech days replete with myriad ways to connect with other people, and yet we can become strangely disconnected from our own and others' feelings. One of my biggest challenges with this work has been simply learning to honor myself and my inner experience. The more I do this, the more compassion I develop for myself. Filling that cup has left me grounded enough in my truth, that I am then able to support the person with whom I am engaged to discover and honor </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">their</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> inner landscape. Just as we envisioned the light in our hearts radiating outward, this inner compassion can radiate out from us, to our families, to our community, and yes, to our world leaders and beyond. And it all begins with you and me.</span></b><br />
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-4e58937c-668c-4264-3094-5e06e5b76bf8" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thanks so much for reading!</span></b><br />
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Courtney Coffee Morrisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05428401189802631431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1418322479162844062.post-45569571493574694182013-11-13T09:47:00.000-08:002016-02-26T09:59:06.893-08:00Spiritual Life Coaching: What Do I Do?? - Technique for Finding Your Highest AnswerA friend of mine posed a question on Facebook today that only she can answer. The only problem is she doesn't KNOW the answer. Or does she? I found myself sharing with her this beautiful and simple technique my life coach taught me for finding the answers to those life questions that are stumping you.<br />
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1. Sit or lie comfortably in a quiet place where you will not be disturbed.<br />
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2. Achieve consistent, relaxed breathing.<br />
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3. Think of something that evokes positive, loving emotion in you.<br />
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4. As you recall the memory or thing that you love, allow yourself to fully and deeply feel those positive emotions of love, gratitude, appreciation, and joy.<br />
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5. Once you are in that pure place of love, you are connected with Truth. Ask your question.<br />
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6. If you are truly in your heart and not your head, the answer will be refreshingly simple and clear.<br />
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If, for example, I am wondering if I need to have a conversation with someone with whom I have a conflict, I may receive the answer "courage" or "patience" or "let go," suggesting to go for it, wait and see, or forget about it. If I get a complicated, lengthy answer with any judgement of self or other, I was in my head (ego) and not my heart (God/Love/Source) space. <br />
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This is a great tool when your head can't figure it out. Life's answers lay in the depths of the human heart where we touch God.<br />
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Let me know if/how it works for you!<br />
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Thank you for reading. :)<br />
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<br />Courtney Coffee Morrisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05428401189802631431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1418322479162844062.post-73392365362922336852013-09-12T08:35:00.001-07:002013-09-12T08:40:17.764-07:00Focus Determines OutcomeLast year my family and I watched the cartoon series Avatar: The Last Airbender on Netflix together. I have watched little television in the last 20 years or so and yet I found myself asking daily if we could watch an episode together. I thought it was wonderful. The powerful and timeless life lessons for kids and adults alike are taught with humor and a gentle hand on the pulse of pop culture.<br />
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I have been discussing with my children how it is possible to create one's own reality with the power of attention, so I was especially grateful for a particular episode that provided a perfect example of this. Though there is controversy and hype over The New Thought Movement, Law of Attraction, and the like, I find the philosophy refreshingly simple and clear-sighted. Check out the following example of how easy it is to create exactly what we DON'T want:<br />
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Aang is the airbending Avatar whose destiny is to restore balance to the world since the Fire Nation waged war on all other nations. As you can imagine, it is a tremendous amount of pressure, especially since he is only 12 years old. His entire tribe has been wiped-out by the Fire Nation and now he is traveling with his two young friends from the Water Tribe, Katara and Sokka. Before saving the world, Aang must master control of the four elements: earth, air, fire, and water. His friends are helping him find masters who can teach him.<br />
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At one point in their journey, Sokka and Katara run into a friend from their tribe who knows where their father is. They haven't seen their dad in two years and their mother was killed when their village was attacked by the Fire Nation. Seeing how excited Sokka and Katara are to hear about their father, Aang assumes they are going to abandon him and the mission in order to find him. He angrily leaves the tent where they are talking without anyone noticing. Sokka and Katara then explain to their friend that as much as they want to see their dad, they are committed to helping Aang first.<br />
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Outside, Aang intercepts a messenger with the map to where Katara and Sokka's father is. Still afraid they will leave him, Aang decides to withhold the map instead of giving it to his friends. Full of guilt, Aang eventually confesses the truth to his friends, who are so angry with him, they decide to leave him in search of their father.<br />
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Katara and Sokka never had any intention of leaving Aang, and yet his fearful focusing on the negative, created exactly that outcome. We got to watch the whole thing unfold and it wasn't woo-woo, groovy, or pseudoscientific. It just was what it was.<br />
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Thoughts give rise to actions which have consequences. It's as simple as that.<br />
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We have all experienced this kind of thing unfold in our lives, whether we have taken notice of it or not. When we see the role that we play in creating the very things we wish to avoid, it can be a fascinating tool for growth.<br />
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I have noticed in my own life, that there is a fine line between seeing the glass half-full versus seeing it half-empty. I have to focus MUCH more heavily on the positive to create that outcome. Half and half doesn't cut it, because then when I am off-kilter i.e. hungry, tired, injured, sick, etc., it is much easier to see the negative. The result, of course, is that that is what I get and then I feel even worse. Ugh. Much easier to prevent the downward spiral than to get off of it once I am on.<br />
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There are a bunch of things we don't care for in this world. There are a bunch of things we adore. There is dark. There is light. We get to choose where we put our attention. This is a blessed thing.<br />
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Thanks for reading! Have a beautiful day.<br />
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Love,<br />
Courtney<br />
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<br />Courtney Coffee Morrisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05428401189802631431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1418322479162844062.post-44704586389522623072013-07-29T14:45:00.000-07:002013-08-30T18:47:22.536-07:00From Blame to Claim: Stepping Into Your PowerThe Dalai Lama <a href="https://www.facebook.com/DalaiLama/posts/10151472414587616" target="_blank"><span id="goog_978531059"></span>posted on Facebook<span id="goog_978531060"></span></a> recently that the increasing interest folks are showing in their emotions is a sign of maturity. <br />
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Have you noticed an increased interest in emotions in yourself and/or in the folks around you? <br />
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In the last several years I have come upon the "philosophy" that one's emotions are one's own responsibility. I put quotes around the word philosophy because some would stand firm in the belief that other people are the cause of their feelings. I inadvertently held this belief myself until I was gifted with the information that allowed me to see otherwise.<br />
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We have been raised in a culture of blame. It's Israel's fault, it's Palestine's fault, it's the conservatives' fault, it's the liberals' fault, it's the Republicans' fault, the Democrats' fault, the President's fault, the doctor's fault, the lawyer's fault, my mother's fault, my husband's fault, "IT IS YOUR FAULT I AM FEELING THIS WAY."<br />
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The fact is, people mess up. That is how we learn. We do our best to remain patient with our children when they make a mistake, hopefully teaching them how to make recompense and learn so they do it differently the next time. We need to show our fellow adult humans the same grace as much as we are able, knowing that the only thing WE can change is ourselves.<br />
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We can practice acting instead of reacting. We can acknowledge we are angry, sad, frustrated, etc., take a deep breath, and get to work trying to understand why without automatically blaming. You affect change by example and this takes claiming responsibility for yourself, your part, your feelings, your thoughts, and your actions every opportunity you remember to do so. It is a practice because it takes practice.</div>
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It can be a challenge to find role models who lead and guide from a strong and secure center where blaming others has little place. Growing up in America and then traveling and living abroad, I have seen vast differences between cultures that encourage "passing the buck" and those where you have to possess personal accountability to survive. I have met many people who think Americans can barely move through life without directions and must sue someone if anything goes wrong. "I got hurt. It must be someone else's fault. Now let me go find him."</div>
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Imagine a world where everybody looks inward and takes care of him or herself, claiming personal power as they step into their responsibility. I am not suggesting we live selfishly in a vacuum or blame ourselves for another's actions. I am suggesting acknowledging that everyone has a role in everything of which they are a part. If we are candid about our feelings and claim our share of what takes place, we can learn from events that transpire and choose to do it better next time, rather than unconsciously operating out of unhealthy patterns.<br />
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It can be SO HARD to claim responsibility when I am really upset and think I have been wronged. You know the saying, "Would you rather be right or be happy?" Being right is so seductive, you can ride this wave for a lifetime before realizing that the energy you get from it is at another human's expense; for to be right, someone else must be wrong.</div>
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I am amazed at how much responsibility for my state of happiness or unhappiness I have tried to put in the hands of my husband, mother, father, or any other person of the moment, before I come back to myself in the center of the whirlwind and realize only I am in charge of how I feel! Yes, people lie, cheat, steal, are inconsiderate, misleading, and judgmental. It is natural to be angry, upset, hurt, and frustrated. And I cannot change them.<br />
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I can choose to avoid them and try to hang out with folks who don't behave that way, but I have learned that people who I deem to be difficult can be just fine or downright wonderful to someone else. <b>I</b> am the one who is annoyed so it is MY lesson. Does that make sense? If something irritating keeps coming up for me, I believe it is a sign that I need to deal with something within ME. Otherwise, I may shed this person, but then attract another who brings up the same irritations until I get the lesson. <br />
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It has been said that the point of power is in the present moment. Our present circumstances, present relationships, and present emotions are all here to teach us and guide us toward states of greater ease if we face them. What exactly happened and what did YOU feel when it occurred? What needs or wants do you have that are not being met when this person behaves in this way? How exactly would you prefer them to behave if they were willing? How might you be contributing to this behavior? These questions are at the foundation of Nonviolent or <a href="http://choosinglove-courtney.blogspot.com/2013/03/an-overview-of-compassionate.html" target="_blank">Compassionate Communication</a>, which is a great process for communicating effectively and claiming your power. <br />
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I try my best to take the approach of, "This is coming up so I can heal it." When I look within and learn my lesson, then the person who seems to push my buttons, almost magically...stops. Either that or I am no longer disturbed when they demonstrate that behavior. I have moved on. <br />
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Thanks for reading!<br />
I welcome constructive comments and sharing!<br />
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<br />Courtney Coffee Morrisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05428401189802631431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1418322479162844062.post-43104670055990107532013-03-11T19:23:00.000-07:002017-09-11T08:16:06.162-07:00Expounding on Compassionate Communication<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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In my last post, <a href="http://choosinglove-courtney.blogspot.com/2013/03/an-overview-of-compassionate.html" target="_blank">An Overview of Compassionate Communication</a>, I wrote a "cliff note" version of a wonderful process that helps improve communication and connection between people. I also wrote about the benefits that come from practicing it, such as greater understanding and compassion for oneself and others.<br />
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Today, I want to share with you some of what you may experience if you are considering implementing Nonviolent Communication (the original name of the process) into your primary relationship, your family, or out in the world. This information can be life-changing and since some of you wrote that you plan on trying it, I thought it it would be a good idea to expound.<br />
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Here are the basic steps again in just one sentence. You work through these on your own (they get easier with practice!) prior to communicating with your partner or group.<br />
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1. When _________ happens (best if you stay with a specific occurrence)</div>
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2. I feel _________ (a specific emotion is best, not just "bad" or "good"), </div>
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3. because _________ (what want or need is not being met).</div>
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4. In the future/Next time, I would love it if you would _________?</div>
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In the first step, you determine exactly what happened that resulted in your discomfort. This is a huge part in understanding yourself, because sometimes you feel your buttons being pushed, but don't know exactly what pushed them, right? <br />
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A big part of feeling better is knowing why you are feeling badly in the first place. It is crucial in conflict resolution because you come to the other party with a specific incident and not a general complaint. "When you are being a jerk like that...blah, blah, blah." The person won't know what thing you thought was jerky and won't hear you anyway, because name-calling closes ears. </div>
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The second step, determining what emotion you're feeling, can be challenging because sometimes you don't <i>know</i> exactly what you are feeling. You just know you feel "bad." In the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Marshall-Rosenberg/dp/1892005034" target="_blank">Nonviolent Communication</a>, there is an extensive list of emotions that is helpful when you are struggling to find a specific emotion. Googling "list of emotions" will work too, but the book is worth owning!<br />
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Knowing what particular emotion you are feeling is crucial if you want to increase the likelihood of being truly understood and generating compassion in the other person. Since we have all felt angry, sad, hurt, frustrated, envious, etc., this a place where we can connect as human beings and not adversaries. When you express how you truly feel, your partner can recognize your humanity. This is especially true when you are CLAIMING your feelings instead of BLAMING another for them. If someone says to you, "You're SO annoying!" it feels totally different than, "When you do that, I feel annoyed. You don't have to stop, but if you did, I'd feel so much better!"</div>
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I could write an entire post on each of these steps, but since my husband and I struggled with the third step where you determine what need is not being met, I'd like to share what we discovered. <br />
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Identifying and expressing what need you have that isn't being met as a result of a particular behavior, is an important part of the NVC process. It is another opportunity for your partner to relate to you because we humans share the same needs just as we share the same feelings.<br />
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My husband tends to bristle when someone says they need anything that is non-essential to life (I reminded him about Maslow's Hierarchy, but he wasn't budging), so this part of the tool was not generating compassion in him. He preferred I use the word want or desire instead of need. I, on the other hand, felt selfish saying, "I want this," or "I want that." After arguing semantics, I decided to try it his way. I discovered he had no problem honoring a "want" as opposed to a "need," so this is how we work this step now.</div>
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My point in sharing this is to emphasize that NVC is a <i>process </i>that takes patience, discipline, and flexibility. You may find yourself adapting the steps to suit your individual needs or the needs of a group or person with whom you are working. You will know it is an effective change if walls come down and people listen to each other instead of becoming defensive.</div>
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The fourth step in this process involves making a request. When I began practicing NVC, this step was tricky for me. I thought, "This is the part where I get my chance to make someone behave the <i>right</i> way." My "requests" came out as demands at times. I have been learning to put aside my ego and see that I don't have a monopoly on knowing the <i>best</i> ways to behave. <br />
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Through this process, I have also found myself feeling better whether someone makes a change or not. I can have fun and feel relaxed picking out Christmas trees even if I perceive my husband is feeling impatient. I am happily stepping down from unproductive efforts to control someone and instead honoring that true change has to come from within.<br />
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We all know we can't really change people. Using this tool, however, you <i>are</i> more likely to inspire compassion in them. This increases the likelihood they will <i>want</i> to make this change because they love you and want you to feel good. They may even decide they would prefer to behave the way you are suggesting for their own well-being.<br />
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Trying to manipulate someone or putting them down for their behavior will not create authentic change. A person has to want to change or it will not last or feel genuinely good to anyone.</div>
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If you are frustrated with your ability to connect with someone you care about or just want to effect positive change, give Nonviolent Communication a try! Please feel free to ask questions and/or share your progress and stories of the miracles in healing that are sure to ensue as you practice. <br />
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Thanks so much for reading!<br />
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Love,<br />
Courtney<br />
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Courtney Coffee Morrisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05428401189802631431noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1418322479162844062.post-46090010919612640622013-03-01T14:18:00.000-08:002013-08-30T18:48:44.961-07:00An Overview of Compassionate Communication <br />
In my post, Warning: Do Not Read if You're a Droid, I mentioned two tools that have been super useful to me and my family on our journey toward greater emotional awareness. I had allowed a series of big life stressors to divert my attention from my emotional well-being. Though that stress really built up before I finally took control, I am grateful for the experience, as it led me to discover these tools! Now they are "on my belt" to use as needed for the rest of my life. <br />
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The one I want to share with you today is the most important if you are having trouble connecting or getting along within a relationship. It is a communication process called <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_Communication" target="_blank">Nonviolent Communication</a>, also known as NVC or Compassionate Communication. It was developed by Marshall Rosenberg in the 60's as a way to teach peacemaking skills and improve heartfelt connections with other human beings. Please check out the above link. It's really cool stuff.<br />
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Though there is somewhat of a formula, NVC is really a <i>process </i>of learning to have compassion and empathy for oneself and others, recognizing what each person's needs are, and in so doing realizing that it is possible for all parties to have those needs met without conflict. I have found the use of this process to be especially important when you want someone else to adapt their behavior in consideration of your feelings or needs. Here are the basic steps for communicating best worked out <i>before</i> approaching the person or group. With practice, it gets easier to use in real time.<br />
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1. When _________ happens (best if you stay with a specific occurrence)<br />
2. I feel _________ (a specific emotion is best, not just "bad" or "good"), <br />
3. because _________ (what want or need is not being met).<br />
4. In the future/Next time, would you please _________?<br />
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If, for example, your child interrupts you and you're frustrated, it may look something like this:<br />
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"When you interrupt me, I feel frustrated because I lose track of important thoughts I want to get across. Next time I'm talking and you need something from me, would you please wait until I come to the end of my point and say, 'Excuse me,' first?"<br />
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Of course, you adapt for different relationships. With the above scenario, when your child interrupts while you are having a quick talk with someone you might just say, "Please say, 'Excuse me,' Dear." He/she does and you answer quickly. Then after the conversation, you could go over to your child and use the tool. <br />
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When trying this at first, it can feel pretty silly, awkward, and uncomfortable, especially with adults. I found it to be easiest when I was practicing with my son who was four at the time. It helps to read the book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Marshall-Rosenberg/dp/1892005034" target="_blank">Non-Violent Communication</a>, find a friend who is also practicing, or connect with a local or online forum to discuss your experiences and refine your skills. Ideally, your partner would be open to trying it as well, though it is not necessary. Miracles in connection will still occur!<br />
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If you choose to begin practicing this communication technique, so many gifts will emerge. They won't always feel like gifts as they reveal the truth that other people aren't responsible for how you feel. This can be an illusion-shattering experience: "But he made me late to my graduation, of course it's his fault I'm mad!" <br />
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It may be his fault you were late to your graduation, but can he really be responsible for <i>your</i> feelings about that? Can someone else really choose your feelings for you? Sure, there are things people do that can pretty reliably evoke certain responses from others. Who else but you, however, can really choose how <i>you</i> respond?<br />
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When I find myself upset after someone does something and I take the time to work the tool in my head, oftentimes I am not even bothered anymore. This is one of the gifts. It can be incredibly empowering to simply figure out what you are feeling and why. The process itself is an exercise in self-compassion and empathy. It also facilitates a "cool-off" period where you become an observer to your emotions. When you "observe" how you are feeling, you realize that you are not your emotions. They don't have to stay in your body like blood, but you can watch and assist them in moving through and out of you.<br />
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I welcome your questions, comments, and shared experiences of NVC! Next post, I plan to expound on the four parts of the process. Thanks for reading!<br />
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Love,<br />
Courtney<br />
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<br />Courtney Coffee Morrisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05428401189802631431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1418322479162844062.post-21826780723465608292013-02-20T07:16:00.001-08:002013-02-22T06:50:51.801-08:00Finding Light in Darkness<br />
Hey Reader! How <i>are </i>you?<br />
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I have been remiss in making my regular-ish posts and have missed being inspired to do so. In my last post in January, I wrote about how some life-skill tools had been improving the quality of <i>my</i> life and I intended to share them in the post that followed. What happened since then has been interesting.<br />
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I had begun composing a post about non-violent communication (NVC for short) that included a briefing of how to use it and how it has been helpful, especially in supporting understanding between me and my husband. When I began explaining a certain step in the process, I realized my husband and I had kind of morphed this part and didn't really use it properly or understand it's purpose and importance in communicating. I set to do some more research before finishing the post.<br />
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Like magic, I was "gifted" with the opportunity to work out the details of this step of the process in my own life. <i>That</i> post will take a little more time to sort out and deliver. :) In the meantime, I have missed connecting and just wanted to get something out to you who may be looking. <br />
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I have had some darkish nights (and days) of the soul, of late. Trying to choose love and finding it challenging. A big life trauma I thought I had mostly worked through, reared it's head like a huge, underground zit might. A series of life stressors and circumstances all came together like the perfect storm, and the only way out was through. I know, pick your metaphor, already. ;)<br />
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Anyway, it hasn't been the best time to inspire others. I am now relieved and pleased to report that I am exiting said storm, have squeezed the zit (apologies to the queasy folks), and re-discovered some little, golden nuggets during my adventure:<br />
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1. The theory of breaking big challenges down into small steps applies to mental anguish, as well. When going through a rough patch in life, we must deal with whatever is right in front of us. If you have the ability to see a big picture, it is always helpful AND you must take care of what is foremost disturbing you before you move on to the next thing.<br />
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2. We must honor ourselves. Wishing I was more enlightened or through this gunk already, was not helping me get through it. Fearing judgement from others? That didn't help. What worked was to be gentle and kind with myself. I said to myself, "This is what I am feeling. I don't have to judge myself for feeling this way. These feelings are based on thoughts that may have no root in reality, even. That is not the point. If I am going to move through these feelings to a state of greater peace, I must acknowledge them, respect myself enough to look at them, and do the work it takes to process them."<br />
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3. If you find yourself feeling truly lost, alone, and perhaps questioning your inherent worth, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parable_of_the_Mustard_Seed">the parable of the mustard seed</a> can work a miracle, Christian or no. I have witnessed this more than once in my life. Ask yourself, "Do I have even a mustard seed-sized amount of hope, love, God, faith, strength, or whatever you believe yourself to be lacking, in my heart?" No matter what you may be going through, I imagine and hope you can find this little seed and begin to water it.<br />
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Then you can begin your work of moving mountains.<br />
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Glad to be back! Have a blessed day and be kind to yourself.<br />
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Love,<br />
Courtney<br />
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<br />Courtney Coffee Morrisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05428401189802631431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1418322479162844062.post-44530164989726900562013-01-14T14:04:00.000-08:002014-01-22T11:08:11.005-08:00WARNING: Do Not Read if You're a Droid<br />
In these high-tech days replete with myriad ways to connect with others, we can become strangely disconnected from our own and others' feelings. It is easy to misread tonality in a text message and emoticons can only express so much.<br />
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Then you have folks who are out of touch with their feelings or would prefer to avoid any discussion of feelings at all. <br />
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Emotional intelligence is a term used to describe how adept people are at understanding, intuiting, and dealing with their own and others' feelings. As with any skill, there are those who seem naturally gifted and those would would have to practice more to develop proficiency. All of us are constantly presented with new opportunities for growth in this area of human intelligence and would be well-served to take them.<br />
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By doing so, we come to understand the "language of life," if you will, for every person on the planet feels the same emotions to some degree. As we have heard the saying, "Everyone smiles in the same language," we also cry, love, and fear the same everywhere. Understanding your own and others' feelings leads to true heartfelt connection, which is what I believe our world needs now, more than ever.<br />
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While my children were very young, my husband underwent three open-heart surgeries (two were on the same day while I was pregnant with my first child and the last was the day before my second child turned one). It was a very stressful period of time that included my mother-in-law's slow and heart-wrenching decline into the depths of Huntington's Disease and her resulting death, a personal injury that led to four years of chronic pain, and moving to a third-world country with my family also being among the top stressors.<br />
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Wow, how love and instincts kick in when you become a mom, making the ability to "put the mask on yourself before helping others" seem impossible. In my efforts to care for my children the way I saw fit, I became the martyr-style mom I swore I'd never be. I had inadvertently allowed myself to become so compromised that bitterness resulted. I complained, but I learned that it didn't accomplish anything productive. My words weren't getting through to my husband because I wasn't expressing my feelings effectively.<br />
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When the stress finally got to be more than I could handle, I found a wonderful therapist who gave me two great tools to help me understand and process my feelings, communicate them effectively, and help others discover what they are feeling by active listening, expressing empathy, and generally getting ego out of the equation. Yes, this was a challenging journey!<br />
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I have always been a natural empath. My mom had her master's in psychology and bought us kids books about understanding our emotions, yet I still had to admit I needed outside support. Funny how we will go to dentists, doctors, trainers, and financial advisors, but be reluctant to seek emotional support from a professional who has skills that can so easily change our lives for the better. Disclaimer: you have to actually USE the tools to see results. I was ready to feel good again. I used them. They work and my life has been consistently improving.<br />
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What has changed is my increased understanding of, compassion for, and ability to effectively express and process my feelings. Of course, I have been sharing these skills with my family and the result has been so beautiful! Everyone is communicating better, empathizing with themselves and others more, and generally growing in emotional health and intelligence. <br />
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I will always remember the first time, since we began practicing these skills, that my husband expressed how he was feeling without my trying to pull it out of him. Instead of feeling angry AT him, I quite suddenly felt a connection WITH him. He was speaking a common language and we were on the same team, just trying to make sense of it all. You really can't do it wrong, but the work certainly is easier when you have good tools.<br />
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Next post I'm going to share them! Thanks for reading. Love to all.<br />
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Please feel free to share your thoughts/stories or start up a conversation in the comment box below.<br />
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<br />Courtney Coffee Morrisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05428401189802631431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1418322479162844062.post-7998974161280694022012-12-10T21:41:00.000-08:002012-12-11T09:24:33.568-08:00Fear as the Absence of LoveMy interest in consciously choosing love over fear began with the study of <a href="http://acim.org/AboutACIM/index.html">A Course in Miracles</a>. One of the basic concepts of this teaching as I understand it is that fear is the absence of love, just as darkness is the absence of light. As it is a shift to think of darkness as being the absence of light as opposed to the opposite of light, it is a similar shift to think of fear as the absence of love.<br />
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Though most people consider "hate" to be the opposite of love, the course considers hate to be just one of many manifestations of fear. All positive emotions, thoughts, actions, and behaviors stem from love and all negative emotions, thoughts, actions, and behaviors stem from fear. One thing we want to avoid is using this philosophy to judge ourselves or others for being in fear and instead use it to encourage compassion for ourselves and others.<br />
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You may have come upon the quote, "Love me when I deserve it the least, for that is when I need it the most." Though it can be a challenge to love yourself when you regret a choice you make or love another when they are being difficult, this is the work we all need to practice. Putting our egos aside, setting down our need to be right or prove another wrong and instead recognizing the true need, which, simplistic though it may sound, is always...love.<br />
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<br />Courtney Coffee Morrisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05428401189802631431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1418322479162844062.post-80329295495652297872012-11-06T06:15:00.003-08:002014-01-16T10:03:34.552-08:00Pointing Your Finger<br />
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Have you heard the saying, "When you point your finger at someone else, three fingers are pointing back at you?" <br />
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Ever since I first heard this, I have felt connected to its meaning.<br />
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How many times do you tell your kids to do something that you yourself do not do? How often do you find yourself angry at someone's behavior and then realize that you (maybe often) do the same thing?</div>
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Whenever we judge someone (in a non-neutral, finger-pointy kind of way) as if we know what they should be doing, how they should be acting, etc., aren't we really judging ourselves?<br />
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I tell my daughter to take care of her clothes each night (put away what's clean and throw the dirties in the laundry bin) and get out her clothes for the next day, yet I don't do this myself. I justify it, of course, because I don't have to leave the house right away in the mornings, so I have more time to choose what to wear and I don't have to deal with my laundry because I am dealing with everyone else's laundry, etc. Regardless, we teach best by example and I bet my daughter would improve even faster if she were witnessing me do the same.<br />
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We judge our government for being in a load of debt. Are we, ourselves, in debt in our personal lives? Yes, theoretically, they have more skillful budget-balancing economists counseling them, but still...<br />
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My point is not to encourage thinking of yourself as a hypocrite. I have been enjoying Eckhart Tolle's advice to observe your own feelings and thoughts with objectivity. If you find yourself having negative thoughts, emotions, or judgements about another, simply observe that and then think about something (even little) YOU can do to support positive change in yourself. <br />
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My lovely sister once told me she knew it was inappropriate for her to expect her sons to make their beds when she, herself, did not. My husband and I had recently added this task to my daughter's morning routine, yet we were not making our own bed. I didn't berate myself about it. I simply shared this with my husband and we began making our bed together in the mornings. It took some time to adjust, but now we do it (just about) every day. It has improved our lives as it puts closure on the night, looks nice during the day, sets an example (especially of integrity) to our children, and it is easier for me to do laundry because the bed is where I do my folding!<br />
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It will feel almost like magic how you begin to see others changing around you when you yourself are the change. If all the masses were to get themselves out of debt, I wonder if we'd see some "bottom-up" economics? Tee hee. Let's show 'em how it's done. ;)<br />
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Enjoy exercising your right to vote today!<br />
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Courtney Coffee Morrisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05428401189802631431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1418322479162844062.post-71728132940414759072012-10-25T18:50:00.003-07:002012-10-25T18:54:46.306-07:00I Don't Care Who You Are, It's Nice When Someone Tells You You Have a Nice Bedunkadunk<br />
Just some musings...<br />
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1. It is not that we need to improve in order to love ourselves. We need to love ourselves in order to improve.<br />
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2. Meditation supports more action, less reaction.<br />
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3. When you think a nice thought about someone, share it.<br />
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4. It is worth it to dismantle the ego.<br />
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5. Lend your voice to the Big Song. Just make sure it's YOUR voice.<br />
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6. It's so much more fun to work with my husband rather than against him.<br />
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7. Sometimes you have to just set aside your burdens and enjoy yourself.<br />
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8. Oftentimes the miracle is simply being willing to see things differently.<br />
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9. If you take the time you spend complaining about what you don't want and use it to clearly envision what you do want, you are likely to get it.<br />
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10. It's nice when someone tells you you have a nice bedunkadunk! (See #3)<br />
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Happy almost Friday!<br />
<br />Courtney Coffee Morrisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05428401189802631431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1418322479162844062.post-88132975747235493992012-10-18T13:22:00.001-07:002014-01-22T11:25:39.641-08:00The Woman in the MirrorIt really does start right here. Cliché it is and yet take some time to remind yourself that the only person you can truly change is you. When we forget this we waste precious energy trying to do otherwise! <br />
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Whether we are talking about world peace, our husbands, our wives, our emotions, our children, our work-anything that we would prefer to be different, the only real and lasting effect we can have is to change OUR perception of it and response to it.<br />
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Feel fortunate if you have allowed yourself to see that ANYWHERE you find fault is a reflection of the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs you hold about YOURSELF. When you are feeling genuinely good about yourself, don't you see good all around you and vice-versa? Everything has both aspects so you can find good or bad in every planetary, universal thing. <br />
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Which aspect we focus upon in any given moment is our choice alone. The fortune on my tea bag yesterday was, "Gratitude is the open door to abundance." No matter what is happening, there is always something for which we can be grateful. The more we train ourselves to find that something, the fuller we will perceive our cup to be. Our perception is OUR reality. It dictates our happiness.<br />
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I have allowed myself at times to go to the place of despondency about world conditions. You know, violence, poverty, GMOs. And yes, all these things exist, yet some would argue that <a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/steven_pinker_on_the_myth_of_violence.html">we are living in the most peaceful time in the history of the human race</a> and <a href="http://yaleglobal.yale.edu/content/little-notice-globalization-reduced-poverty">poverty has been DECREASING globally</a>.<br />
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I believe we are more likely to contribute and achieve if we feel hopeful. Sometimes we must search to find the thing to be thankful for or hopeful about and in that effort, we improve upon the ease with which we will see it the next time.<br />
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I don't advocate ignoring social struggles, but acting and helping where one can and feeling good about the improvements that are being made. No one benefitted from my crying about Japan's earthquake, but someone did benefit (however small) from my donation to relief efforts. If I want something to change, <b>I</b> must take action toward it, change my perceptions about it, or let it go if I want to feel peace.<br />
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And after all, peace must begin with me.<br />
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<br />Courtney Coffee Morrisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05428401189802631431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1418322479162844062.post-72442372837134850162012-10-01T13:04:00.000-07:002013-01-17T12:33:00.176-08:00Miracle in Cincinnati<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">My level of consciousness about the role I play as a co-creator with God or Source has increased enormously as I set intentions, put them out as seeds to the universe, and then watch as they take root in my life. One of the most miraculous and close to instantaneous of these manifestations occurred when my daughter was two years old and my husband's Grandmother had passed away.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">The three of us were up in Cincinnati to visit with family and bring home some furniture my husband, Trey, had inherited from his granny. It was late Sunday afternoon and Trey had an important meeting in North Carolina the next morning. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">We had loaded the U-Haul and were getting ready to drive through the night, when we noticed a brake light was out on the trailer. Trey was unable to fix it and it seemed unlikely we would find an open garage at 5:00 p.m. on a Sunday. U-Haul was closed as well.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Trey tried to convince me not to be concerned as he would drive slowly and carefully. I, however, was not about to allow my daughter to be driven seven-plus hours at night in a vehicle pulling a trailer full of heavy furniture with only one brake light working. Instead of focusing on how terrible that was to me, though, I immediately set to task to fix it and not through the usual, ordinary means.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">I told Trey something like, "You have to be at this meeting tomorrow and I have to know we are safe. Please be open to the possibility that the universe will provide someone who will fix this for us." He presented the obvious hindrances and the fact that it was getting later and later. Though open to the concept that we create our reality, on this particular day, Trey wasn't in the space to go there with me.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">It was dinnertime and we were running low on daylight, so we went to a fast-food place (I know-yuck) with a drive-through window. I asked the lady if there were any garages open. She said, "Not on Sundays, Honey." Trey looked over at me knowingly, yet I was not deterred. As we pulled away, I concentrated on staying focused, clear, and open and I TRUSTED.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">As Trey drove, I "felt" the next step. "Pull over and let's eat at that park over there, please," I said. There was not a soul at the park as we pulled in, set up our food, and began to eat at a picnic table.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">After some time, a beautiful, red-headed, forth-coming little girl rode over to us on her bicycle with her toddler brother trailing behind on his trike. They were about five and three years old, respectively. She introduced herself as Ruby, the same name as our daughter's closest friend, and introduced her little brother. Then she said goodbye and went biking off in the direction of her father who waved at us from a distance.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Trey and I began talking about how impressed we were by the nature of this personable and precocious little girl so full of light and confidence. As we turned back to eating, I looked up to watch Ruby and her little brother join their dad about 75 yards away from us. Suddenly, it hit me. "That's him!" I said.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">"Hey!!!" I yelled as Trey hid his face in his hands in embarrassment. I began to sprint across the grass to catch them. When I got there, out of breath, I asked the man, "Is there any chance you are a mechanic or something?"</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">He looked at me sideways with a curious grin and said, "As a matter of fact, I am."</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">-------------------------------------------------------------</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">As it turned out, Ruby's father was a mechanic with his own garage located just a short distance from the park! I asked him if he would be able and willing to fix the brake light (or lights, as my husband thinks BOTH brake lights were out) right away since we had to get on the road as soon as possible. He said something like, "Sure, I'll give it a look. Let me pull my car around and you guys can follow me to the shop."<br /><br />Really?!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Yes.<br /><br />As our angel/mechanic repaired the light, Ruby and our daughter, Sydney, happily colored at Ruby's dad's office desk. I remember overhearing Ruby teaching Sydney how to properly say the word "yellow." She had always said, "well-wo."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Ahhh, yellow, the color of hope...<br /><br />The work took under an hour and he finished with daylight to spare. When I asked how much we could pay him for his generous and skilled service, guess what he said?<br /><br />"Just pay it forward."</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">------------------------------------------------------------------</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">So...did I "manifest" my mechanic?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">My perspective on the Law of Attraction, creating your own reality, getting what you focus on, or whatever one chooses to call it, is that everything we need or desire is within our easy reach. We need only trust in our ability to connect with it. You can find a way to do this that works for you regardless of your religious, scientific, or spiritual beliefs.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">It is tricky to speak or write about this kind of thing because we tend to let ourselves get bristled by certain wording. What does God, Source, energy, etc. mean to her or him or me? Why is she capitalizing that word? This doesn't seem Christ-centered, etc. I feel grateful that I have exposed myself to so many different religious, scientific, and spiritual perspectives. It is my belief that they are all the same at the core and definitely not mutually exclusive.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Witnessing the beauty and perfection of our universe, our earth, and the development of two fertilized eggs giving rise to my two amazing children leads me with no alternative but to believe that there is one grand connective power. To me, that power is the entirety of everything and WE are a part. The whole "<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butterfly_effect">butterfly flapping it's wings in China</a>" theory is simply an acknowledgement that we are all connected, not in a vacuum, and every one of our actions has a ripple effect over the entirety of the universe.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">We all have experienced moments of complete focus. That space where nothing else enters our attention and all we have is that upon which we are focused. This is one of the best ways to understand and practice getting what you want. Only focusing on what you do want and trusting in your ability to allow it. If you focus on what you don't want, that is what you are more likely to attract.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Athletes can relate well to this phenomenon. If you have snowboarded or skied in the trees, for example, you know that if you look at the tree, you will find yourself heading toward it. You must look at the spaces between the trees! You go toward your focus.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">These skills of focus, trust, and thinking about what you want as opposed to what you don't want can be developed with practice just like any other skill. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meditation">Meditation helps.</a> If you find yourself thinking about what you DON'T want, what bothers you, what you don't like, etc., use that to help you determine what you DO want or like and start focusing on that instead.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">I mentioned in my story that my husband, Trey, thought both tail lights were out on the U-Haul. Though I don't recall whether one or two were out, I know I felt uncomfortable making the trip at night. Trey felt uncomfortable cancelling his meeting. Out of these uncomfortable feelings, we both identified what we did not want. The only option as I saw it, was to focus on what we both DID want-to have the tail light/lights repaired and make it home safely by morning.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">I stayed totally focused on what I wanted the entire time. When people speak of manifesting something, I believe they refer to that sweet reward of knowing they consciously identified what they wanted, trusted that it was available, and allowed it to come into their lives. It is an amazing feeling to be a conscious co-creator of one's life!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Our mechanic was at that park when I decided we WOULD have the lights repaired before driving into the night. All I had to do was trust that I would find him.<br /><br /><br /><br />Please feel free to share your stories of co-creation in the comment section. Inspire others!</span><br />
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Courtney Coffee Morrisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05428401189802631431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1418322479162844062.post-84925817071725705482012-09-26T09:08:00.003-07:002014-07-09T15:27:10.420-07:00Tapping into Source-Part 3-DiscussionThis is the third part of Tapping into Source. Please read <a href="http://choosinglove-courtney.blogspot.com/2012/09/my-level-of-consciousness-about-role-i.html" target="_blank">Part 1</a> and <a href="http://choosinglove-courtney.blogspot.com/2012/09/tapping-into-source-part-2.html" target="_blank">Part 2</a> before reading this post.<br />
<br />
<br />
So did I "manifest" my mechanic? <br />
<br />
My perspective on the "Law of Attraction," creating your own reality, you get what you focus on, or whatever you choose to call it, is that everything we need or desire is within our easy reach. We only need to trust that we are one with Source. You can find a way to do this that works for you regardless of your religious, scientific, or spiritual beliefs.<br />
<br />
It is tricky to speak or write about this kind of thing because we tend to let ourselves get bristled by certain wording. What does God, Source, energy, etc. mean to her or him or me? Why is she capitalizing that word? I feel grateful that I have exposed myself to so many different religious, scientific, and spiritual perspectives. It is my belief that they are all the same at the core and definitely not mutually exclusive.<br />
<br />
Witnessing the beauty and perfection of our universe, our earth, and the development of two fertilized eggs giving rise to my two amazing children leads me with no other alternative but to believe that there is one grand connective power. To me, that power is the entirety of everything and WE are are part. The whole "butterfly flapping it's wings in China" thing is the acknowledgement that we are all connected, not in a vacuum, and every single action has a ripple effect over the entirety of the universe.<br />
<br />
We all have hopefully experienced moments of complete focus. The place where nothing else enters our attention and all we have is that upon which we are focused. This is one of the best ways to understand getting what you want. Only focus on what you are wanting. If you focus on what you don't want, that is what you will get.<br />
<br />
Athletes can relate well to this phenomena. If you have snowboarded or skied in the trees, for example, you know that if you look at the tree, you will find yourself heading toward it. You must look at the spaces between the trees! You go toward your focus.<br />
<br />
This skill of focus, trust, and thinking about what you want as opposed to what you don't want can be developed with practice just like any other skill. Meditation helps. If you find yourself thinking about what you DON'T want, what bothers you, what you don't like, etc., use that to help you determine what you DO want or like and start focusing on that instead.<br />
<br />
I mentioned in my Cincinnati story that my husband thought both tail lights were out on the U-Haul. Though I don't recall whether one or two were out, I know I felt uncomfortable making the trip at night. My husband felt uncomfortable changing his meeting. Out of these uncomfortable feelings, we both identified what we did not want. The only option as I saw it, was to focus on what we both DID want-to have the tail light/lights repaired and make it home safely by morning.<br />
<br />
I stayed totally focused on what I wanted and not on what I did not want (to drive home without two working tail lights) the entire time. When people speak of manifesting something, I believe it is that sweet reward of knowing that whatever you want or need is within your reach and when you stay positive, feel good, trust, and focus on only that, then that is what you will get/create/manifest.<br />
<br />
That mechanic was at that park when I decided we WOULD have those tail lights repaired before driving into the night. All I had to do was trust that I would find him.<br />
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I would love, love, LOVE to read your stories of co-creation!<br />
<br />Courtney Coffee Morrisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05428401189802631431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1418322479162844062.post-79143981276608193542012-09-18T09:56:00.000-07:002012-09-26T18:33:06.365-07:00Tapping into Source-Part 2This is second part to Tapping into Source. Please read <a href="http://choosinglove-courtney.blogspot.com/2012/09/my-level-of-consciousness-about-role-i.html?spref=fb" target="_blank">Part 1</a> first. <br />
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As it turned out, Ruby's father was a mechanic with his own garage located just a few blocks from the park! I asked him if he would be able/willing to fix the brake light or lights (my husband thinks BOTH brake lights were out) immediately since we had to get on the road as soon as possible. He said something like, "Sure, I'll give it a look. I'll pull my car around and you guys can follow me to the shop." <br />
<br />
Really?! Yes.<br />
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While our new friend (I wish I could remember the name of our guardian angel/mechanic) repaired the light, his daughter, Ruby, colored with our daughter and taught her to say the word "yellow" (she always said, "well-wo"). Ahhh, yellow, the color of hope...<br />
<br />
The work took under an hour and he finished with daylight to spare. When I asked how much we could pay him for his generous and skilled service, guess what he said?<br />
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"Pay it forward."<br />
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Discussion to follow...<br />
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<br />Courtney Coffee Morrisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05428401189802631431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1418322479162844062.post-17799440870061849712012-09-12T03:29:00.000-07:002012-09-26T18:32:25.203-07:00Tapping into Source-Part 1<br />
My level of consciousness about the role I play as a co-creator with God or Source has increased enormously as I set intentions, put them out as seeds to the universe, and then watch as they take root in my life. One of the most miraculous and close to instantaneous of these manifestations occurred when my daughter was two years old and my husband's Grandmother had passed away.<br />
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The three of us were up in Cincinnati to visit with family and bring home some furniture my husband, Trey, had inherited from his granny. It was late Sunday afternoon. We had loaded the U-Haul and were getting ready to drive through the night (Trey had an important meeting the next morning) when we noticed a brake-light was out on the trailer. Trey was unable to fix it and it seemed unlikely we would find an open garage at 5:00 p.m. on a Sunday. U-Haul was closed as well.<br />
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Trey tried to convince me not to be concerned as he would drive slowly and carefully. I, however, was not about to allow my daughter to be driven seven-plus hours at night in a vehicle pulling a trailer full of heavy furniture with only one brake-light working. Instead of focusing on how terrible that was to me, however, I immediately set to task to fix it and not through the usual, ordinary means.<br />
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I told Trey something like, "You have to be at this meeting tomorrow and I have to know we are safe. Please be open to the possibility that the universe will provide someone who will fix this for us." He presented the obvious hindrances and the fact that it was getting later and later. Though open to the concept that we create our reality, on this particular day, Trey wasn't in the space to go there with me.<br />
<br />
It was dinner-time and we were running low on daylight, so we went to a fast-food place (I know-yuck) with a drive-through window. I asked the lady if there were any garages open. She said, "Not on Sunday, Honey." Trey looked over at me knowingly, yet I was not deterred. As we pulled away, I concentrated on staying focused, clear, and open and I TRUSTED.<br />
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As Trey drove, I "felt" the next step. "Pull over and let's eat at that park over there, please," I said. There was not a soul at the park as we pulled in, set up our food, and began to eat at a picnic table.<br />
<br />
After some time, a beautiful, red-headed, forth-coming little girl rode over to us on her bicycle with her toddler brother trailing behind on his trike. They were about five and three-years-old, respectively. She introduced herself as Ruby (my daughter's closest friend shares that name), introduced her little brother, said goodbye, and went biking off in the direction of her father who waved at us from a distance.<br />
<br />
Trey and I were completely impressed by the nature of this personable and precocious little girl so full of light. As we turned back to eating, I looked up to watch Ruby and her little brother join their dad about 75 yards away from us. Suddenly, it hit me. "That's him!" I said. <br />
<br />
"Hey!!!" I yelled as Trey hid his face in his hands in embarrassment. I began to sprint across the grass to catch them. When I got there, out of breath, I asked the man, "Is there any chance you are a mechanic or something?"<br />
<br />
He looked at me sideways with a curious grin and said, "As a matter of fact, I am."<br />
<br />
<br />
To Be Continued...<br />
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Courtney Coffee Morrisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05428401189802631431noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1418322479162844062.post-83793575170538841992012-01-12T09:48:00.000-08:002012-03-10T07:09:52.826-08:00Hi!My name is Courtney Morrison and this is my very first blog! It happened because I was reading one yesterday (<a href="http://Momastery.com/">Momastery</a>) that made me laugh, cry, and then laugh so hard I cried. I need more laughter in my life and this blog made it happen. I have been intending to write one myself for a couple of years and even tried a few times without finishing. When I returned to Blogger to share Momastery with my Facebook friends, I found myself creating my own blog and here I am typing my first entry one minute later. BAM!<br />
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I decided to just go for it. So...Hi out there! We will see what becomes of this endeavor, but for now I am simply going to get the first entry completed. My intention is to provide a virtual place where folks can come to read and share about their adventures in choosing love over fear. This is how I believe we will heal ourselves and this planet.<br />
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See you soon!<br />
Love,<br />
CourtneyCourtney Coffee Morrisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05428401189802631431noreply@blogger.com0